


Someone to Take My Place

by EllenArcher



Category: Backstage (TV 2016)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Sad, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 15:51:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14381922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenArcher/pseuds/EllenArcher
Summary: Miles is jealous.





	Someone to Take My Place

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this July 2016. 
> 
> I miss my Disney ships

Miles was actually on time for school this morning, which was somewhat of an achievement for him. Many days it was hard for him to get out of bed because his meds made him so sleepy, but he actually managed fine today. Maybe it was because he was enjoying the project they were working on in Mr. Park’s class. Maybe that was because he was working with Jax.

Miles had struggled with his feelings for a while, but now he was pretty acceptant that he had a crush on his friend. It wasn’t so bad, really. He wasn’t going to tell Jax or anything, but he didn’t feel a crushing ton of weight on his chest whenever he saw him. He just sort of smiled to himself and thought of a possible day in the future where they could be together. As long as he didn’t tell Jax the truth, it was easy to pretend that if he ever did, the outcome would be favorable.

And that’s why Miles would never tell Jax. Because as soon as he did, the hope would be gone. The “what if” would be a “that’s what.” And it wouldn’t have a happy resolution.

Jax was a great guy, so maybe he wouldn’t be creeped out that Miles had feelings for him. But it would still probably make things awkward between them. And Miles couldn’t handle losing his best friend over it. No. It was decided. He would keep his feelings to himself. It wasn’t so bad, really.

But then it was. Because Miles was entering the classroom, and he spotted Jax. Normally at this Miles’ eyes would light up and a grin would spread across his face. Seeing Jax always brightened his mood. But not this time. This time, Jax was holding hands with Bianca. And they were smiling at each other all gooey-eyed. It was so chees, but Miles literally felt his heat sink. He never thought he would be such a cliché. Jealous because his crush was with someone else. How pathetic.

Miles swallowed his pain and strode forward as confidently as he could. “Hey guys,” he managed a slight smile. Jax looked up and gave a nod, but then turned back to Bianca. Ouch. “So, um,” Miles tried again. “This is new.”

“Yeah,” Bianca replied, beaming. Miles knew he should be happy. These were his friends, and they liked each other. He just never thought they would actually muster up the courage to tell each other. Was he a bad friend for being disappointed? He knew it was selfish, but it was just so hard to see Jax holding someone else’s hand like that. Sure, he had done it with Jenna before, but that wasn’t serious. Miles never really had faith in that relationship. And again, that probably made him a bad friend. He was kind of hating himself right now, honestly. He knew the saying. If you love someone, let them go. He should want for Jax to be happy, no matter who he was with. And Miles did want Jax to be happy. He just really, really wished that he could be the one to make him happy.

Miles wanted to be the one holding Jax’s hand. And hugging him close at night. Caressing his cheek as they stared into each other’s eyes. Brushing their lips together as they leaned in for a kiss. Miles wanted to lay with his head in Jax’s lap. Jax would run his fingers through Miles hair, and bend down to whisper in his ear. “I love you,” he would say, so quietly Miles could barely hear. But he would feel the words vibrating against skin. He would feel Jax’s heartbeat under his shirt, grasped in Miles’ fist. Miles would lean up and pull Jax’s head down to meet his. “I love you, too,” he would answer, just as quietly. He would press their lips together with everything he had. Jax would be able to feel his love for him through that kiss. It would be soft but passionate, deep but sweet. Jax would taste like cinnamon and brass, from his gum and his instruments. Miles would savor the taste, licking his lips as he pulled away from the kiss to get some air. But not for too long, because he wanted to get back to being as close to Jax as he possibly could.

They would lie together on the couch in the practice room, and on the floor of Jax’s basement where they always played video games. Miles would give Jax a congratulatory kiss each time they successfully solved a puzzle or beat a challenge. Jax would giggle each time, but always close his eyes into each kiss. When they got too tired to keep playing the game, Jax would shut it off sit between Miles’ legs, leaning back into his chest. Miles would hold him like that as they talked about nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. Or maybe they would talk about everything. Because Miles had never felt so comfortable with anyone before. He knew he could tell Jax anything.

Well, not everything. Because here Miles was, in the classroom at Keaton, imagining a whole relationship for he and Jax, and yet Jax had no idea. And Miles had no plans to change that. No, he didn’t want to lose this hope. This chance at having everything. At having Jax. This beautiful daydream he had made up for them. They would have a wonderful, incredible relationship. Even if it was all in Miles’ head.

“You okay?” Jax asked, bringing Miles back to the present. He reached out to touch Miles’ arm. Miles places his hand over Jax’s quickly, and then pulled away. “I’m great,” he replied, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I’m really happy for you.” He wished he wasn’t lying. He wished he could be happy for his friend. But it wasn’t that easy.

In fact, it was the hardest thing in the world. He was watching his friend, the boy he loved, fall for someone else. It was going to get more and more difficult to keep the daydream alive. But Miles knew he didn’t have a choice. The daydream was all he had. And he wasn’t giving it up. He had to give up Jax, he had to let him be with someone else. But in Miles’ head, he and Jax could still live out the relationship he envisioned for them. Miles had to hold on to that. No matter how hard it got, he had to hold on. Because losing that hope… he couldn’t afford that. The doctors had told him time and time again. Never give up hoping. You will make it through. And sure, they had been talking about his kidney disease. But that was nothing. A broken heart was much harder to heal.


End file.
